Sometime last year my cousin handed me a book called, “Triggers: How We Can Stop Reacting And Start Healing” by David Richo. Now I can’t be anything but myself, so if I’m being honest, I knew I was not going to just sit and crack this book open and have at it.
One way I make sure that I reach my goals is by making sure I cater to my own personality. Having struggled with reading my entire life due to a short attention span, no thanks to my ADHD, I opt out of reading physical books. Instead I learned that I get more reading done via audio books. I used a free credit to buy the book on Audible and I listened as I washed the dishes.
After the introduction I knew I needed to sit and highlight the concepts that spoke to me. Full disclosure, I have not finished this book yet and I’ll probably make another blog about it because I’ve had so many ‘lightbulb’ moments so far. When reading through these, try to see how it pertains to you, in particular, and how you can adjust your perspective to not fall victim to your own triggers!
“The more sensitive we are to others behavior toward us, the more fiercely does our fear, anger, or shame erupt. As we become stronger, more self-assured, we notice that the arrows of others don’t penetrate so deeply.”
We can not allow ourselves to be open to all actions around us. I’m sure you’ve heard the term thick skin. Find peace in knowing that other peoples actions have more to do with them, then it does with us. If we were to let every person that is having a bad day, take their frustrations out on us, we would never leave the house again. Since we can not hibernate in the safety of our homes we must learn to adapt to the world around us. This means thickening our skin. We can not control other people, we can only control ourselves!
When someone cuts us off on the road and we feel that heat in our chest telling us to point a particular finger in their direction, we need to ask ourselves 5 questions:
1. Why did that action make me feel this way?
2. Will my reaction stop/solve the initial action that triggered this feeling?
3. Is this situation worthy of my time?
4. Am I willing to risk my peace to react to this situation?
5. Will I be proud of my response at the end of the day?
“We are not weeding out or eliminating our “unacceptable” parts but instead accepting them and putting them to better use.”
Often times, when we point out the traits of a person we don’t like, those traits are the very ones we fear others see in us. For example we dislike Jane because shes a chatterbox. In reality, we don’t dislike Jane, maybe we were just told as a child that we talk to much and that has created an insecurity that people won’t like us if we are to verbal.
After noticing this connection we can then be honest about the traits of ourselves we deem as unacceptable. We are not doing this so that we can control our amount of talking, rather so we can put ourselves in an environment where we are asked to talk more. A place were our unacceptable behaviors become accepted.
Perhaps I find myself to be controlling or bossy. Rather than making myself small, as to not appear in that way, I should look for a leadership position to where I can express my personality in a healthy way. Providing an acceptable outlet for otherwise unacceptable behaviors/feelings allows us to have more control over what triggers us.
“May I say yes to all that happens to me today as an opportunity to love more and fear less.”
This is an affirmation that can be recited daily to get you into the proper mindset for whatever the day has in store for you. We have little control over most of the things that happen to us each day. We catch a flat tire, the drive-thru got our order wrong, the baby had a blowout in the middle of Target.
When situations are out of our hands their is really only two things we can do. We can complain and point out why the day has gone downhill or we can view it as simple daily challenges we must solve in order to be proud of our day!
Be ready to take on any challenge and willing to do whats required to succeed! Being prepared eliminates the frustrations of being triggered throughout the day, resulting in a seemingly better experience.
